This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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