There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
