but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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