working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
