It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
