I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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