I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
