They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
