WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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