Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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