I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
