just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
