3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
