i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
