First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
