I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
