what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
