my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Randomize
