Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
