Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
