she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just pee around me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
