i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
