Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
