how can u be prego again
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
