Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
