I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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