I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
