My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
