i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
