How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
