Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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