I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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