Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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