Me. At least after what I've been through.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
