The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
