Need sex. Gaining weight.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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