I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
