She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
