Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
why is half of my head shaved?
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