I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
