arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
