bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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