Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
