I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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