MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize