Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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