i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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