Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize