you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
