Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
