so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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