Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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