My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is it because I queefed?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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