So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize