Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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