please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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