Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
