So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
