i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
