suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
