I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
