he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
