Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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