Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
