You made me cry and you don't even care
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is Oprah even human
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
