oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
