I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
