im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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