God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
