Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
