The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
