Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
